How to teach your parents to use FaceTime (so they actually use it)

Your mom has an iPhone. She has used "the phone" for sixty years. FaceTime is barely different. And yet every time you start a FaceTime call, she does not answer. Or she answers and stares at the wrong camera. Or she hangs up by accident.

Here is how to set it up once so it actually sticks.

Step 1: Make sure FaceTime is on

On her iPhone:

1. Open Settings.
2. Scroll to FaceTime.
3. Make sure FaceTime is toggled on (green).
4. Make sure her phone number is checked under "You can be reached at."

If FaceTime is not turned on, she cannot receive calls. This is the most common silent failure.

Step 2: Add yourself as a Favorite

This is the move that changes everything. Once you are a Favorite, she can FaceTime you in two taps from the lock screen.

1. Open the Phone app on her phone.
2. Tap Favorites at the bottom.
3. Tap the + in the top corner.
4. Pick your name from her contacts.
5. Choose "Video" (not "Call").
6. Save.

Now you appear in Favorites. She can tap your face to start a video call.

Step 3: Show her how to answer

This is where most calls die. When a FaceTime call comes in, the screen shows a green Accept button and a red Decline button. On a locked phone, it shows a slider. Practice in person if you can:

• Phone unlocked: Tap the green button. That answers.
• Phone locked: Slide the green button to the right. That answers.

Do it three times. Then have her do it three times. Muscle memory beats explanation.

Step 4: Front camera versus back camera

The most common FaceTime confusion is the camera flip. Your mom thinks she is showing you her face but she is showing you the ceiling. The fix:

1. During a FaceTime call, the camera switch button is in the top right (a camera with arrows).
2. Tap it to flip.
3. Front camera = her face. Back camera = whatever she is looking at.

Tell her: "If you cannot see your own face in the corner, tap the camera icon in the top right."

Step 5: Big text and louder speaker

Make the call easier to use:

• Settings > Accessibility > Display & Text Size > Larger Text. Slide it bigger.
• During calls, tap the speaker icon for hands-free audio. Set the volume up.

Step 6: Practice with a planned call

Schedule a "test FaceTime" with her at a specific time. Say "I am going to FaceTime you at 4pm tomorrow, just to practice." It removes the anxiety of "did I do it right?"

Do this three or four times. After the third or fourth practice call, the panic disappears and it becomes routine.

Step 7: Make group FaceTime work

If you have siblings, set up a group FaceTime call once. Once she has been in one and survived, she will not be afraid of them.

1. Open FaceTime.
2. Tap "New FaceTime" at the top.
3. Add multiple contacts.
4. Tap the green FaceTime button.

What to do when she calls and the video is upside down

She is holding the phone the wrong way. Rotate. If she has rotation lock on, swipe down from the top right corner and tap the rotation lock icon to turn it off.

What to do when she keeps "accidentally" calling

The Favorites button can be too easy. If she is repeatedly calling by mistake, move you out of Favorites and just put yourself in her recents. Slightly more friction. Fewer pocket dials.

Why this is worth the work

FaceTime is the single best gift you can give your aging parents that does not cost anything. Hearing your voice is good. Seeing your face is better. After enough calls, they stop being intimidated by the technology and start enjoying it.

For other essentials, see how to help your mom set up a new iPhone and how to set up a tablet for a grandparent.